This program is so much more than a business to me.
It is a mission. It is my life's purpose.
Deep down inside, I truly believe that the one thing each of wants,
craves, and deeply desires,
is acceptance.
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I am talking about acceptance for who we are on the inside, not necessarily the person we pretend to be on the outside. And this acceptance comes from a place free from judgment. This is a far cry from tolerance, as in, "I don't really like you (or the things you do) but I am willing to put up with you." Wouldn't it be a remarkable accomplishment if each one of us could develop our mind, body, emotions and spirit in a world where we are celebrated for our successes, and supported when we fall?
Unfortunately, this is not the reality of our society. We are conditioned from birth to try and fit in to the expectations of our families, communities, churches and the media. And what happens when we don't fit in?
We die.
Sometimes our deaths are quite literal. The disconnect from our magnificence manifests itself as illness. The heart may go, stressed from too much obligation and not enough joy. Maybe it's the breast that becomes diseased, enveloping the nurturing woman with cancer, as a result of years of self-sacrifice and self-neglect. Or perhaps the immune system suffers, weakened from too many years of anger and fear of self-expression.
And other times, it is a figurative death. A feeling like you are stuck living someone else's life, or that the life you imagine you want to live is always in the distance. And tomorrow never comes. Every day that you deny your magnificence, is yet another blow to your spirit. This form of death can feel every bit as devastating as physical illness.
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My Story
I started my journey back to wholeness in my late 20's, and a decade and a half later, I am still working to heal the disconnect from pieces of my mind, body, emotions and spirit. A tumultuous childhood filled with verbal abuse (and some physical abuse as well) left me feeling empty and untrusting of myself, which led me to seek "security" as a young adult. Thus, I created a Norman Rockwell existence for my young family. On the outside everything appeared to be perfect, but on the inside, I was a mess.
Unfortunately I did not feel any safer expressing my true self in this perfect life, than I did in my childhood. "Keeping up with the Jone's" weighed almost as heavily upon me, as mom's unachievable expectations. I felt as if I were dying inside. I did not know how to honor my strengths, talents, interests and values. In all honesty, I no longer knew what my strengths, talents, interests and values were. I had lost touch with my "core." And so I began a most amazing, though sometimes challenging, journey back to me!
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Life Just Doesn't Have to be That Hard
I can not tell you how many people I speak with, who share a similar life story. All wanting more. Knowing that there is a something more that they are meant to do with their lives, but not sure how to identify it, or to realize it. For the first time in hundreds of years, society is encouraging us to connect with that which makes us great. This is amazing! It is OK to want more than a nice house, a good education for your kids, and a week's vacation at the beach with the family! There is nothing wrong with liking your job, taking time for yourself, and (pardon the over-used cliché) thinking out of the box.
But now what? Where is your role model? Your instruction book? And why, when you try so hard to live a life with intention, are there so many people that just want to bring you down? Well, this is where my mission, my life purpose comes in...
Quite frankly, I am tired of all the inspirational speakers telling everyone to be happy, and to think happy thoughts, and to live in gratitude. Sometimes I listen to them, and I feel worse, not better. Thoughts of "What's wrong with me? Why can't I be happy like that?" start to creep in. Yes, this is a great way to be, living with gratitude, and I think it's wonderful to spend as much time in this space as possible. But I need to be REAL? To experience ALL of my feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly. Even wallow for a little while in self pity from time to time, when life just threw me a curve ball! My emotions are important, all of them. They are instrumental in telling me there are still things I need to learn.
And then there is science. The studies and statistics. And a mindset that we often fall into, believing that it is our genes that determine our futures. The numbers we hear that "prove" reality, but just whose reality? The person who has the biggest grant? And the pills that take away the pain, both physically and emotionally. How can I heal without pain? My body is telling me something is wrong, and asking me to fix it, not to mask it. You can put a bandage on a wound, but it won't go away until it heals.
And now on to religion. This can be an amazing tool to help keep us connected with the whole, our fellow man, and the power of the universe, not to mention faith, love and compassion! But instead, religion often becomes an instrument for judgment. I am better than you. My God is better than yours. If I don't follow these rules, I will not be privileged to know God and share in an afterlife with him/her. He/she is watching me, so I need to be sure not to sin, or give in to evil and temptation.
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Grasping the Power of the Triune
Imagine holistic living to be at one corner, science to be at another, and religion in the third corner. Or heart, head and hope as I like to call them! And now there is Magnificent Child, right smack in the middle of the three. It is my belief that the only way to grow to be full and complete, is to draw from each of these elements. When an individual is pulled too heavily from one side or another, there becomes an imbalance.
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And here's the big catch... we all need to pull the pieces of heart, head and hope that serve us, and leave the rest alone! This will be different for each one of us, as we all have our unique lessons to learn.
As an adult, you may want to ask yourself, does this thought, belief or action serve me? Will it help me to learn, to grow and to evolve? And as one whom guides children, it is imperative to ask, does this thought, belief or action serve this child? Will it help this child to learn, to grow and to evolve?
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And It's EASY!
You may be thinking, this is too hard. I don't have the time, or the abilities to focus on my child or student's unique strengths, talents, interests and values. Well I am going to challenge that thought process, and say yes you do! It is time to take the ego and the dogma out of our child guidance practices. Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole takes far more energy than creating a square hole for a square peg! And the best part, the child that doesn't fit into the round hole, will get the gift of feeling comfortable in his/her own skin.
Can you imagine a generation of children growing up feeling magnificent?
I can! And it will be YOU that gives our children this gift. Thus, we are back to where we started... acceptance. The one thing that we all want, crave and deeply desire!
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Gwen Barbeau
Teacher, Trainer and Professional Life Coach
Creator of the Balanced Child Guidance™ Program
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